All of that occurred to me all before she walked in through the door. She and Dan exchanged pleasantries and finally she turned to me, looked me dead in the eyes and straight to my soul. Oh, *****! Why did she have to go and do that? I was now forever ruined for anyone else, including Dan. And utter sense of helplessness, a huge void of coldness and heartache were now my destined future. However, she’s defiantly a *****, too. So, I guess I’ll have to hold onto the hope that maybe just maybe one day she’ll make a move on me; that is if she even finds me in the least bit attractive.

*****! *****! *****! No that can not ever happen. Never. Abandon all hope, Nora. It can never happen and you know it! Just dammit, just when I found the one person in my entire life that I want to settle down with and I can not risk it. We could never be. And if we ever did, then we’d be re-assigned for sure. We’d never really get to spend some real quality time together. It’d suck that one of us was a cop, but both of us-there is no future in this scenario and absolutely no hope.

Besides, it’s not like I am just able to bring her to mass and dinner one Sunday Morning and introduce her as my soul mate, the one that has stolen my heart, and expect them to be all honky-dory about it all. No, that’d never happen. I would surely be disowned, referred to as a disappointment, and ordered to never come around them again. I could not bare that, I won’t. Sure they have already told me to invite my new partner to Sunday Brunch and Mass. Of course, I will extend that invitation on my families’ behave. *****! *****! *****! 7 days a week with this Amazon and I can’t ever be with her.

There was only one thing I could do. Keep a professional train of thought, keep my mind on the cases, and never ever-under any circumstances-get romantically involved with Nikki. No matter how much it’ll hurt, ripping my heart out, and kills me to; I’ll have to forever deny myself any opportunity to be with her 24-hours a day, as I so desire to. I can not afford to allow my emotions to rule me, I must stay logical and true to course. Otherwise, it could cost both of us, our lives. Impartiality is an absolute requirement for this job, not because we are not human, but because if we allow ourselves to be ruled by anything other than our minds then it all could finish in a very dead end. There is no escaping that fact.

I’d have to make myself content with the time we are together, even if it’s strictly platonic. I don’t mind laying down my life for her, but I could not live if she was to die because I could not stay true to course. I will make due as her partner on the force.

Ah, yes! A new assignment. Now if we can just always stay busy, not be alone in any private place, I think I can do this. This is the best thing all around.

End of Part 4…………To be Continued!